


Days of Memories

by warmcocoa



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: AU, Fluff, I have no idea what I'm doing, M/M, Nonsense, Not Beta Read, Not sure whether this is PG-13 or M, there's no explicit scene but it's implied many times, very light angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:07:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27938588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/warmcocoa/pseuds/warmcocoa
Summary: A cliche story about Matsumoto Jun and his idol Sakurai Sho. Very loosely based on Daylight and lightly inspired by some other Arashi songs.
Relationships: Matsumoto Jun/Sakurai Sho
Comments: 8
Kudos: 29





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Completely self-indulgent. Not beta-read. Might be OOC. Might have grammatical errors.

Matsumoto Jun (33) was a professional actor in every sense of the word. At least, he would like to think so. Professional actors can act unfazed under all circumstances, no matter what those circumstances may be. Actors act. 

He would like to think he did well schooling his features to mild surprise and excitement when he heard that a certain Sakurai Sho would be providing the track for his new drama. He was not displeased, that’s for sure, but that’s exactly the problem. Rather than displeased, he was excited and anxious at the same time.

Sakurai Sho (34) was a prominent Hip-hop artist, well respected by fellow singers and an inspiration for young aspiring talents. His talent for delivering words and surprisingly pleasant good looks had won him hearts of many fans.

Jun included.

Jun would even go as far as say he was his number one fan, albeit not audibly.

Whenever his schedule permitted him, he would always make time to come to his shows. He had memorized all of the lyrics, could sing along to his every song. He had watched every single show that featured Sakurai Sho, owned all his limited edition releases, from the humble beginnings when his songs had an edgier, rockier tone to them, and to his current sound that’s tinted with a more mature RnB influences. He would always run straight to the music store at least a day before the official release date to make sure he could secure at least one copy, even when the album sales were not great at the beginning.

The thing is, to Jun, Sakurai Sho was more than Sakurai Sho the singer-songwriter, the celebrity. He knew him. He idolized him. Even long before Japan was only starting to get to know him.

Jun knew him. Remembered him so well. All the days spent together, the good and the bad.

He did not think that the day where his path would cross with this man would actually come again. It was too good to be true, he was starting to think he was dreaming a fairy tale. How did this just happen? Things like this just don’t happen, he’s not that lucky. What if they really meet? What should he wear? What should he say? Maybe, it’s better if they just don’t meet at all. His heart probably would never be ready.

His mind was swarmed with so many thoughts and questions, he barely listened to the briefing. “… and with that you’re scheduled to meet him next Wednesday, Matsumoto-san.”

He blinked when his name was called. “Okay.” He found himself agreeing without really registering what he had agreed to.

He only had himself to blame when the day he had to meet the man actually came. Reality finally hit him barely three hours before the fateful meeting, when his manager rushed him in the morning.

“So, you’ll meet him at the studio at 11, bring your manuscript with you. He wants to hear about your character, what you want to convey in the song. Of course, he’d been having meetings with the producers, Ishii-san and Kurakami-san, but he said he wanted to know the main character deeper as the song will be told from his POV and asked for an audience with you.”

Jun wanted to cry or scream but he held himself back. He held up his hand. “Wait. Let me have my coffee first.”

Okay, he needed time to process all this. Desperately.

So, he was going to meet Sakurai Sho in three hours. He wished he’d had more time to fix his hair, or something. More time to collect himself and not act like a fangirl, or something. (Okay, to be fair he had almost a week to prepare but he wasn’t listening.)

He was even a little bit angry at Sakurai Sho.

What is that man’s deal anyway? Is it normal for artists to go this deeply into the lead role’s character before writing a song for a drama? Jun was not a songwriter though, maybe it was completely normal.

 _Nino,_ he typed, _how does one write songs?_

He clicked send and waited for his friend's reply.

_Why are you asking me? I’m an actor, not a songwriter._

_You write songs_ , he insisted.

His reply came quickly enough, _Yeah, just like how I’m a magician and a farmer. Why the sudden interest?_

Okay, those were two of his friend's other hobbies. He chose not to respond to the question and just sent a “Good point.”

The problem with Ninomiya Kazunari was that he was too quick picking up subtle hints.

_Are you writing songs now, J? Branching out? Trying to get closer to SS?_

Annoyed, he left Ninomiya on read and focused on calming his heartbeat and getting ready for the big meet up.

Sakurai Sho in his memories was intelligent, good at talking, strict, but unfailingly funny and downright charming. A pro at magically summoning butterflies to appear in his stomach.

But he was Matsumoto Jun, he told himself, trying to summon his confidence that seemed to have betrayed him since morning. The Matsumoto Jun who had done lead roles in various successful drama series. The Matsumoto Jun who was one of the most popular actors in Japan. The Matsumoto Jun who had no shortage of screaming fans, thanks to his cool image and strikingly handsome facial features. If anything, Sakurai Sho should be the nervous one here.

He had prepared himself and braced for impact but that Sakurai Sho proved himself to not having lost his touch at making him a bumbling 16 year old again.

“Hello, I’m Sakurai Sho. Please treat me kindly.”

“Matsumoto Jun,” he managed to not stutter, “Likewise.” Jun just wanted to get this over with quickly before he hurt himself further. Of course the man didn’t remember him. He didn’t have to. To Sakurai Sho, Jun was obviously just another kid he had to tutor.

“This will be our first time working together. I’m really looking forward to it.” Sakurai was flashing him his Megawatt smile that, according to (the very biased) Jun, would give idols a run for their money. “Thank you for making the effort to meet me. I was really excited when I got offered to create a song for your new series. I’m sure you’ll do great as usual. I’ve watched your works. You’re a very talented and captivating actor.”

The compliment had dealt the final blow to his already short-circuiting brain, and he absentmindedly said his thanks, letting himself be led to a sofa. Great, he wasn’t even done nursing his heartbreak and this man had the audacity to praise his work. Nevertheless, Jun was a professional actor, and professional actors don’t let their personal feelings hinder their work.

Just as he had been briefed by his manager, Sakurai Sho wanted to talk about the drama, but he mainly wanted to know more about the main role's character. He already had a copy of the script but asked Jun to walk him through it. He was methodical and logical, knew how to ask his questions to get the information he wanted. He was also good at making Jun feel at ease, pulling a joke here and there, dissipating his initial discomfort that was ironically caused by Sakurai Sho himself.

He found comfort in this, knowing that this was the same Sakurai Sho, just maybe a lot softer around the edges than the teenage version of him. However, at the same time he also wanted to cry and scream.

He really didn’t know how he managed to go through with the discussion that spanned over two hours. Time seemed to fly by.

“Matsumoto-san, I hope it’s not too forward of me to invite you to lunch?”

Jun just blinked stupidly at him.

“It’s lunch time and I think it’ll be a good idea to continue this discussion in a different setting. Helps refresh the mind, I believe.”

Even as a small part of his brain told him to be careful not to break his heart again, he couldn’t help but to accept the invite enthusiastically, smiling from ear to ear. “Of course! Do you have something in mind?”

Again, that stupid Sakurai Sho was flashing that stupidly charming smile of his again, looking genuinely, stupidly happy. “I was thinking soba, but I suppose steak would be more appropriate for the occasion.”

Jun willed his smile to not falter as his mind conjured images of his past self, eating steak in a shop in Ebisu with his favorite person. “Sounds great!”

Sakurai nodded, seemed satisfied by his answer and told his manager that they were going out for lunch.

On the way down the elevator, he dropped another bomb by quietly admitting that, “Because the restaurant is popular, I got ahead of myself and booked a private room. I really hope you’ll find it satisfactory.”

Jun had no idea what to say to that, so he just voiced his gratefulness once again. “That’s very kind of you, but I do hope you’re not planning to pay for me?”

Sakurai shifted uncomfortably and for once he actually seemed flustered, very unlike his confident stage persona. “They required advance payment. I’m sorry.”

The elevator doors opened faster than Jun’s brain’s weak attempts to process this new piece of information so he just quietly followed the man to the parking lot. “Sakurai-san, you’re driving?”

“It’s not very far from here but I don’t want you to get into trouble after you took the time to have this discussion with me. I have a feeling people will easily recognize you.”

They had a quiet 10 minute drive. Jun busied himself with his phone, although his mind was repeating a litany of why's. He could not fathom how he had scored a lunch date (yes, he’ll call it that) with Sakurai Sho. He could barely believe it.

Sakurai flashed him another smile when they arrived and Jun wished he would stop doing that even though he knew Sakurai was just being polite. “I hope you’re hungry.”

“Don’t worry, Sakurai-san, I eat fast.”

There was a pause before Sakurai uttered a barely audible, “Certainly,” and exited the car, signaling Jun to do the same.

It was definitely an upscale restaurant. The entryway to the private dining room was also conveniently concealed from prying eyes, much to Jun’s relief. Sakurai’s had been right about how people could recognize him anywhere, no matter what sort of getup he donned. Jun had not always been comfortable with being recognized in public.

There was barely anybody who spared him a second look as Sakurai led him to a private dining room. The reality that he was having a 'lunch date' with Sakurai Sho suddenly dawned on him like a bucket of water once the waiter left the two of them in the private dining room. He was starting to believe it and it made him overly self-conscious.

Sakurai seemed to notice his discomfort and broke the silence, “I apologize. You must feel rather awkward having lunch with just the two of us even though we’ve only just started working together. I didn’t consider your feelings at all and got ahead of myself.”

He shook his head strongly, partly to alleviate some of his nervousness. “Not at all. Please don’t apologize. In fact, I feel very honored. I was just thinking about how to repay your hospitality today.”

Sakurai smiled again, politely, Jun noted, business manners impeccable. “Please don’t worry about that. I did this because I wanted to.”

Jun was grateful that Sakurai was such a skillful conversationalist. Soon enough butterflies that had gathered again in Jun's stomach flew away. Jun finally realized how empty it was. Granted, he barely had anything for breakfast. He was not a morning person to begin with and the prospect of meeting Sakurai Sho again messed with his bearings.

They ordered different things and Sakurai had offered him his plate, and Jun did the same without thinking. He shooed any thought that threatened to convince him that the gesture was too intimate. He didn’t have time to retie the knot in his stomach when he was so hungry and the food was divine.

Sakurai obviously enjoyed his food as well, and if there was anything else that could add more happiness to Jun’s day, it was watching him eat like it was the best meal he had had in ages. Sakurai had caught him staring and Jun quickly commented on how good the food was, and how Sakurai had good taste.

He breathed a sigh of relief when Sakurai excused himself to the bathroom, finally getting his much needed time to calm down.

Sakurai Sho was so amicable, hope had started to spark in him before he could help it. Was Sakurai always this friendly? Could he dare hope that it meant more, that he was special?

The sound of the door being opened finally pulled his thoughts away from a rather emotionally perilous territory. “Apologies, it seems it’s everyone’s bathroom time now.”

Jun decided that the sheepish look was a good look on him. Then again, he was Sakurai Sho and any look was a good look on Sakurai Sho. Well, except, maybe the angry one. That one was scary.

He shook his head and assured Sakurai that it hadn’t been that long at all (maybe it was, but Jun honestly had no idea). “Rather, I think you’re giving me the best hospitality, I wouldn’t think of complaining about anything at all. Today’s perfect,” his traitorous mouth added.

Sakurai looked genuinely relieved. “Really? I was worried that I really was doing too much I might be creeping you out. I didn’t want you to regret working with me. I asked you to come here and you did, so I wanted to show how much I appreciate it. I told Satoshi-kun about it, and he said I should treat you to lunch or something, but since this is our first time working together, I was starting to wonder if I had crossed my boundaries without noticing.”

Sakurai was uncharacteristically blabbering, and if Jun had deflated a little bit, he was glad that the other man did not seem to notice. Of course that man just wanted to be hospitable with someone he was working with. Jun wasn’t special. He chased his disappointment away and focused on convincing Sakurai that had a good time, and before his brain could catch up with his train wreck of a mouth, he had said, “Let me book your time next time on your day off, or whenever you feel like eating with me, Sakurai-san. I really would like to return your generosity today.”

For a full second, Sakurai only stared at him and Jun wondered if he could ever embarrass himself any more than this. However, before Jun could say something to take his words back and save the situation, Sakurai beat him to it. “You really don’t have to, like I said, I did this because I wanted to. However, if you really don’t mind the company, I’d be very delighted indeed.” He rummaged his bag and took a small card and a pen. “I got the order wrong but please do overlook it. If you feel like it, this is my manager's number,” he scribbled something on the card, “and this is mine. Whichever you prefer.”

_Sakurai-san, thank you for the lovely time and excellent meal today. I look forward to working with you again in the future. Please keep me in your favor. Matsumoto Jun._

He read it twice, and pressed send. Sakurai Sho had never changed his number so at least Jun knew he was sending it to the right recipient. One less thing to worry about.

_Matsumoto-san, thank you for your mail. I had a great time. Likewise, please keep me in your favor. Sho._

Jun read the reply at least twice. Sho, he had signed it, and Jun’s heart fluttered. _His_ _Sho-kun_.

Nevertheless, there was no word from Sakurai again until he had finished penning the lyrics for the song a week later. He sent it to Jun and asked for his opinion. Jun would probably love anything this man wrote, so maybe asking him for input was not the grandest idea, but Sakurai didn’t need to know that. Instead Jun wrote a rather lengthy, heartfelt reply of gratitude.

Sakurai did not read it right away. Jun noticed that he also had not brought up the topic of going for a meal since the last time they met, so before he could chicken out, Jun sent another message.

_Let me treat you to dinner as thanks. When will be a good time?_

Sometimes, Jun welcomed the attention he was getting as a popular actor. He had eaten outside with his fellow actor friends in broad daylight, not even bothering to conceal himself. He had been feeling adventurous, and having his friends around actually boosted his playful side.

However, it stopped being an appealing idea whenever his dining partner was Sakurai Sho. Sure, the guy did not even seem to remember him, but still Jun wanted to keep whatever might happen between them between them. Not that anything might happen since, well, the guy forgot Jun, meaning Jun’s existence never meant much to him. Jun doubted that it would change overnight.

Still, he booked a private dining room at one of his favorite Italian restaurants. If Sakurai Sho’s taste bud had not changed, Jun was confident he would like this one.

Sakurai arrived in a sleek black double breasted blazer over a black t-shirt and Jun instantly regretted inviting him to such a fancy restaurant. He was going to have difficulties concentrating on enjoying his food.

“Matsumoto-san, I apologize for making you wait.”

Jun stood up from his seat to greet him. “Not at all. I was just early.”

He had to ensure he was in pristine condition, after all. He had rechecked his leather blazer for any marks or stain, ensured his collar was not crooked and his slacks were without unwanted creases… Damn, he was being so ridiculously vain while Sakurai Sho probably just grabbed whatever he felt like wearing and still managed to look all classy and impressive.

However, Sakurai had gone quiet for a moment, and Jun couldn’t help but ask, “Is there something wrong? Is the place not to your liking?”

Sakurai shook his head, chuckling a bit, “No, it’s just that, you look great on TV but even better in person.” Then, without giving Jun's brain a chance to process the compliment, he continued, “What would you recommend for tonight?”

Jun cleared his throat. “I’m a big fan of pasta, but they make good risotto here as well.”

Sakurai flashed him a smile, “In that case I’ll try the risotto.”

Jun nodded. “It’s good. I do hope you’ll enjoy it.”

Sakurai laughed. “I can eat anything, except maybe coriander. If Matsumoto-san recommends it then it must be good.”

They talked about work and random things while waiting for their orders to arrive. Sakurai was very knowledgeable and the range of topics was very broad. He filled Jun in the latest news from the Japanese economy, to the newly born Panda cubs in Ueno zoo. If Jun was not in love with him before, he was definitely getting to it.

His eyes lit up when the waitress came in with their food and he said his thanks happily, making him look ten years younger and successfully charming Jun senseless. Jun was sure that even the 16 year old version of him had not been this smitten.

“Can I take off my jacket?” Sakurai asked him suddenly. “I know it’s against the dress code but I don’t want to risk it getting stained. This one is difficult to roll up.”

Jun nodded. “Go ahead.”

When Sakurai actually did, Jun regretted it immediately because nobody should look that good in a t-shirt. Jun could make out the lines of his toned chest when he bent down to dig in to his meal. Oh, and his biceps were so visible and marvelous. His mind unhelpfully supplied that young Sakurai Sho had always been toned. He developed muscles easily and his abs had always been a thing of wonder.

Except if young Jun had been content with admiration the current Jun was struggling to stop himself from conjuring less innocent images.

Jun felt too warm for comfort and told Sakurai he would take his jacket off, too. They were both down one layer, Sakurai in his black tee, and himself in his black button down long sleeves. “You don’t mind, right?”

Sakurai was watching him with a curious glint in his eyes. “Even if I said I did, you’d already taken it off. Of course I don’t mind since I started it myself. I will admit I feel underdressed now, though.”

Jun waved his hand. “It’s just me, Sakurai-san.”

“That doesn’t make me feel any better since it’s you but thank you.”

They finished their meal with few small conversations here and there. Jun spent most of his time trying to distract himself from getting increasingly aware of how helplessly attracted he was to Sakurai Sho. Sakurai himself seemed to have all his attention on his food, praising it endlessly and audibly appreciating it.

As usual, Jun passed him his ravioli without thinking, and Sakurai offered his risotto in exchange. Jun decided he could freak out over the indirect kiss like a girls' manga heroine later. (He couldn’t help thinking that he’d really like to try a direct one now.) To save himself from the downfall into being a crazy creep, Jun decided to start another conversation, “Do you cook, Sakurai-san?” even though he already knew what his answer would be.

“I don’t. I can heat up instant food, but that’s about it. Do you?”

“Sometimes, when I have the time.”

“I have a feeling anything you make would taste good.”

Jun hoped his laughter could conceal his fluster. “You haven’t even tried it.”

“It’s just a gut feeling. If it’s Matsumoto-san, I think you’d definitely give it your all. I think your palate is much more refined and advanced than mine as well.”

“Remind me to never offer my food to you, then. I don’t want to disappoint my new co-worker.”

Sakurai laughed. “You should have more confidence.”

Yeah, Jun said in his head, irritably, if I had more confidence I’d have confessed to you in my second year of high school and you would’ve rejected me.

The scene in his head then changed and he was beginning to imagine another scenario in which he crowds a startled Sakurai against a wall and shuts that smart mouth of his…

“Matsumoto-san,” he blinked up at the man before him, “if you want, you can use me to practice, I don’t mind. I’m confident that I’ll like it. I won’t intentionally write you a bad song in retaliation or anything petty like that. I can’t cook though, so I most likely will just take you out for another meal as thanks. Or send you food delivery.”

“Sakurai-san, if I ever cook for you, I don’t want anything in return. I’ll be very upset if you do something like that.”

Whatever Jun expected to receive for his earnest words, it was not the crestfallen kicked puppy look from Sakurai Sho. His usually bright round eyes dimmed a little and there was a slight frown marring his lips, making him look poutier than usual. Jun quickly figured out that he had said the wrong thing (even though it was true), and he had no idea how to fix it. (It was a cute look on him, but not Jun’s favorite because he just wanted the man to be happy.)

The older man nodded while Jun was still scrambling in his head to fix the situation and said, “Of course. I’m sorry for going too far.”

Jun had no idea what he was referring to, but he at least knew he had to deny it. And he did. However, the damage was done (even if Jun, for the life of him, had no idea what he did to earn him a sad Sakurai Sho). The evening ended with Sakurai making few small talks about Jun’s drama and his previous works. Gone were his previous humor and friendly attitude, replaced by a rather stiff politeness. Jun could recognize a closed door when he saw one.

He sighed deeply when his back hit the mattress hard that night. He scrolled through his LINE messages, looking for a certain Ninomiya Kazunari.


	2. Chapter 2

Jun liked concerts. He liked live music, and he enjoyed watching the production. It was one of his favorite pastimes.

So when Ninomiya told him that he suddenly couldn’t come to Ohno Satoshi's concert and asked Jun to go in his stead (“Forget about that guy for a bit, stop crying over spilled milk and have fun, J.”) Jun agreed. He was a fan of Ohno’s vocals and choreography, would even go as far as considering the singer a genius. He had gone to his concerts several times as well in the past and had been tremendously impressed.

He gave himself a once-over in the mirror and had to laugh at himself. A hat, sunglasses, and a medical mask. He looked way too suspicious. He supposed he could take them off once the lights go out and the concert starts.

Calling a cab, he managed to arrive at the hall safely. He looked for his seat immediately, eager to get rid of his stuffy disguise kit.

Ninomiya got him a good seat, it was close enough to the stage, but not so close that he would end up with a sore neck the next day. In fact, Ninomiya probably got the tickets from Ohno himself.

He took off his sunglasses as soon as he was seated, welcoming better vision, but kept his mask on for now. He was busy putting them back into his bag that he barely registered a man taking a seat next to him. Done putting away his glasses, he sat back.

“You probably should’ve kept those on. Well, not like they would help.”

Jun turned so fast his head hurt. He would know that voice anywhere. He just didn’t think it would address him again in such a playful manner. “Sh-Sakurai-san!”

“Hello. A good seat you got there. One of your favorite singers?” Sakurai was also wearing similar disguise. Jun was relieved that at least with most of his face concealed, the man could not do much to his heart.

“My friend had to cancel. He’s Ohno-san's friend.”

“A good friend you got there.”

Jun almost snorted. “He has his moments.”

“You’re here alone?” At this point, he concluded whatever he had offended Sakurai with the last time they met had been forgiven.

“Yeah. How about you?”

“No companion either, sadly. My friend cancelled on me at the last minute. You could say I got stood up.” He chuckled and Jun hated what it did to him.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. You’re here. It’s not a bad trade.”

Jun was so glad he still had his mask on because he could literally feel his face heating up.

“Speaking of which, care to join me for a late dinner and a drink after?”

Jun made sure not to look at him. He was wrong. Sakurai Sho was still dangerous, with or without that stupid smile of his. He opted for a nod instead. “Sure, if you promise not to pay for the whole thing.”

“Then it’s settled.” Sakurai had began tapping on his phone and Jun figured he was making a reservation. Jun took the liberty to conclude that he had planned to go straight home if Jun hadn’t been there. This new theory made his brain all sorts of stupid.

Thankfully enough, the lights went out not too long after that conversation. He could make out Sakurai's silhouette taking off his hat and his mask as Jun did the same. Jun was determined not to look his way for the entire night.

“They have good seafood here, so order anything that seems appealing to you on the menu,” Sakurai informed him when Jun asked for recommendations.

The disguises were off, and the combination of Sakurai Sho’s face and slightly mussed hair were glorious, Jun decided. It was a rare sight to see him up close without the usual prim-and-properness. He finally realized that Sakurai had always taken their meet ups seriously, had always dressed up each time they met. Jun wanted to tell him that the homey boyfriend look was definitely working. He wondered how he was reflected in Sakurai’s eyes in return.

They talked about work again, mostly Jun's new drama because it seemed to be Sakurai’s favorite topic. He praised the script and characterizations, and told him he would watch the drama anyway even though he had gone over the story and discussed it so much that he could probably it while being half asleep. It helped cement the impression in Jun’s mind that he was absolutely wonderful. Distant, but much softer than the Sakurai Sho that he knew. Still illegally charming, even more so.

“So you like music, Matsumoto-kun?” Sakurai asked, changing the subject.

“Yes, but who doesn’t?”

“Any favorite artists?”

Sakurai asked him so casually but Jun froze in place. “A lot,” he said carefully. “Apart from Ohno-san? The Beatles, Michael Jackson… I listen to pretty much anything.”

Sakurai’s searching eyes were on him, and Jun, finally suspecting something, almost balked and excused himself to the bathroom. Thankfully, before he could do that, Sakurai broke eye contact and took out another card from his bag. He slid it across the table.

It was a crew pass.

“In case you happen to end up watching one of my concerts, you’re very much welcome backstage. I understand you’re busy filming.”

Jun was silent for a full minute. He sincerely wished Sakurai would stop dropping surprises after surprises in regards to their relationship.

“I didn’t mean to promote myself or anything like that…”

“I’ll be there. I have a ticket already. Your Christmas concert. I have that day off. I have that week off.”

Then, Sakurai Sho gave him a tiny smile, the softest he had ever seen him. Jun was once again entranced with this new discovery. Sakurai Sho could look this soft?

Then, once again, he offered Jun his plate. “Thank you. Here, have my anago sushi as thanks.”

Jun eyed him wearily. Stop that, he wanted to yell at him, stop giving me hope. Sakurai was probably just being his usual self and he was reading too much into it. Jun did love anago, he had mentioned it several times in various interviews. Sakurai obviously did his research because that was just the kind of person he was.

“But now that you have it, you really have to come backstage,” his companion added, after slurping down his clam. “Otherwise I’d be severely disappointed.”

“Is it really fine? I’m sure you’ll be busy. I don’t want to intrude.”

Sakurai just looked at him with an odd mixture of expressions. (What is that? Hope? Regret?) He leaned forward a little, eyes meeting Jun's and a slight smile once again playing on his lips. “Don’t worry about it. I promise. Your presence is always welcome.” Before he could say anything as a response, Sakurai’s phone rang and he excused himself, leaving Jun and his muddled thoughts alone.

_“Sho-kun, I can’t solve this question.”_

_“Which one?”_

_“Number 4. Solve it for me?”_

_“Don’t joke around! Solve it yourself!”_

_Jun whined._

_“I’ll explain it again, so do it yourself.”_

_Jun pouted but listened to Sho's explanation and managed to finish his homework in the end. “Let’s watch a movie next time. I’ll let Sho-kun pick.”_

_Sho laughed his hearty laugh and said, “Seriously? What is there left to watch? We’ve watched everything last summer. I was even with you everyday!”_

_“That’s summer, this is autumn. Here, I got the list. I’ll let Sho-kun pick so let’s watch something!”_

_“Since you’re not gonna wear it anymore, give me a button from your uniform.”_

_It didn’t even take Sho a beat. “Okay, I’ll give it to you next time.”_

_“Don’t forget. If you do, I’ll keep asking you for it. You’re always so busy lately. Could it be that you’re tired of me?”_

_Sho laughed. “That’s not true! Don’t I dote on you more than before?”_

One of the things that bothered Jun about spending time with Sakurai Sho was that his memories seemed to be uneager to leave him alone. On normal days, he could almost treat them as nothing more than an imagination his brain conjured, but having Sakurai so close just emphasized that everything did happen and it made Jun feel trapped. The worst part was that while he was suffering from feelings, Sakurai seemed to have no recollection of him.

“Once the drama starts airing, I suppose you’ll be doing a lot of TV appearances.”

“I reckon, you as well.”

“Yeah, we’ll probably come across each other again, then.”

Jun nodded, not getting where this conversation was going.

Sakurai considered him for a moment. “I hope you won’t be too sick of seeing me then.”

It was such an obvious bait and he still willingly bit into it. “I wouldn’t even dream of it.”

“Now that you’ve gone and said something like that, you’ll have to let me down gently when the day comes. Have you always been such a smooth talker, Matsumoto-kun?”

They were flirting, he realized belatedly. Was this really still Sakurai Sho? The person who tutored him (in his crazy spartan way) so he could pass high school 14 years ago? The person who said that he had given his summer to Jun, and in turn, Jun had given his teenage heart to? The person who had given him a sleeve button from his uniform, instead of his second one?

Jun's mood had turned slightly sour. The past Sakurai Sho wouldn’t even look at him. Why the sudden interest? Just because Jun was famous?

He opted for the safest answer he could think of. “I’m just saying what I think.” Only to realize belatedly that it was not one and he was only digging a deeper trench. He was so bad at this. So bad at thinking straight when Sakurai Sho was around.

Sakurai laughed and told him, “What you're doing is stroking my already inflated ego and if you keep it up I will be bold enough to invite you to another meal.”

Jun averted his eyes, his initial annoyance disappearing. Why was he so weak against Sakurai Sho's laughter? “I certainly wouldn’t be opposed to it,” he replied, helpless at his inability to lie.

Sakurai was once again silent. For a while they continued to eat without saying anything. Jun looked at everywhere except the man eating before him. Sakurai for his part, seemed to eat even slower than usual and gone were the usual appreciative comments and sounds for the food.

After a while, Jun dared himself to look at his former tutor. It was one of his less wise decisions because he found himself locking gazes with Sakurai. His eyes were as round and expressive as he remembered them, but there was something else in them. Inquisitive, with a spark of something less innocent.

Before he could stop himself, maybe partly because the charged atmosphere between them and the playful tone that carried through their conversation, the name rolled from his tongue. “Sho-kun?”

Sakurai stood up so abruptly that it started him. “Give me a moment, please. I need to clear my head.”

Jun watched him close the door and hurry away without sparing him another glance. Hurt and confused, he emptied his sake cup twice before giving Ninomiya a call. (The next day, he would realize that going by his account, Ninomiya should not be able to pick up his call around this time.)

“If Aiba-shi finally beats me, you’ll be buying my meal for the next two months. This better be important.”

“It is.”

“Who’s that?” came Aiba’s voice from the other end of the line.

“An idiot who seems to be having a date with his idol,” was Ninomiya's response but Jun didn’t have time to be offended.

“Nino, put down your game for a second and listen to me.”

He received a long sigh, but Jun knew Ninomiya would never hang up on him. “What is it this time, Romeo?”

“I messed up. I accidentally called him Sho-kun and I think I’ve turned him off.”

It was Aiba who answered. “Don’t worry, there are talks of having you both on this music festival I’m gonna be hosting so just leave it to me to patch things up between you two.”

“You mean FNS? Wait, are you putting your phone on speaker?”

Aiba continued to blab, “I can also try to convince the producers of VS to invite him and put you in the same team.”

“Holy… Did you and Nino actually put me in this situation tonight?”

“J, what happened, really?”

However, right at that moment, the door opened again and Jun almost dropped his phone in surprise. He had never seen Sakurai Sho so agitated and uncertain before. Nevertheless, he walked to where Jun was sitting and held out his hand.

“Macchan. Come up here.”

Jun turned away. His eyes were stinging. Because how could he, so casually, after all this time? “What do you want from me this time, Sho-kun?”

He saw Sakurai take a seat next to him in the corner of his periphery. “Matsujun, am I going too fast? You remember me, right?”

“As if I could forget you.”

The older man took a deep sigh. “I’m sorry.”

“What for?”

“Not contacting you these years. We used to be so close.”

Jun shook his head, still not looking at him. “Wasn’t your fault. You had college. You were living your life. I wasn’t angry. I’m not.”

“You were one of the first people who registered to my FC on the same day it was announced.”

He turned his head further away. “And what of it?”

“Is it love or like?”

“We’re both guys so it’s different.”

Sho chuckled. “Classic Matsumoto Jun.”

“Would you rather I say it’s not love?” He was once again met with silence, so he added. “I do like you. I like working with you. Spending time with you as well.”

“What are my chances of turning that into something more?”

Jun could barely believe his ears. He finally turned to look at Sho, who seemed to be very interested in his own sake cup. “Why do you wanna know?”

“Well, if you have someone already then I won’t be making this kind of conversation with you anymore.”

Jun weighed his options, not quite believing it was happening at all. “I’m happy enough to be spending time like this with you again. But if I like your 'something more' better than this maybe I’ll consider it.”

“You’re a little devil.” Jun couldn’t help but to laugh. Sho was looking at him now and his expression was oh so soft. “I feel like I’ll let you get away with anything just if you'd laugh.”

“Sappy.” He grinned widely. “Okay, maybe I can live with this.”

Sho chuckled. “If you liked that, I think you’ll definitely like what else I have to offer.”

“Then if you have a sample of some sort…” Jun wasn’t even surprised when Sho cut him off with a kiss. It was obvious that Sho had meant it to be short and sweet but Jun had just been called a little devil and he wasn’t letting Sho off the hook so easily. He placed his hand on Sho’s nape to keep him in place as he selfishly explored his mouth, drawing breathy moans from the older man.

It did not take too long before Sho regained his momentum and Jun found himself backed up against a wall for support as Sho continued to kiss him. “Dammit, Matsumoto,” he breathed out after a while, finally letting go. “You’re really pushing your luck. You don’t even know what you do to me.”

Jun was not in his best condition to give a reply so he only said, “Likewise.”

Sho shook his head suddenly and groaned. “We should call it a day. Go home, and let’s discuss this matter tomorrow.”

Jun snorted. “Are you kidding? You’re already regretting it? Why offer something when you can’t even keep your end of the bargain?”

Once again, the older man shook his head. “Not regretting it. Just thinking about what this means for the both of us.”

“I have a shooting tomorrow.”

“Then let me know at what time you get off and we’ll discuss it then.”

Jun imagined how incredulous he would have been if he hadn’t known the man so well.

Sho showed up at 11 in the evening, dressed warmly with a bag of canned beer as he stepped into Jun's apartment. They chose his place because it offered better privacy compared to public spaces and because he was currently the one with a busier schedule.

“Your song is mostly completed, y'know. I’ll be recording the vocals next week,” Sho informed him.

“Don’t call it my song.”

“Fine. I’ll write another one for you.”

“Sappy.” But Jun was smiling. He couldn’t help it. “But why the sudden interest, Sakurai-kun?”

“What do you mean?”

“You never cared before. Certainly, you didn’t just develop a crush on me the moment I walked into your studio?”

Sho laughed, sheepish. “I just didn’t know how to contact you again after so long. I pondered about it, and before I knew it, it’s 14 years already. I guess if they didn’t ask me to do a song for your drama we’d still be strangers. You’re still in my FC,” he added, as a matter of factly.

“I guess so, 12 years and counting. You don’t have to look me up, Sho-kun. I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”

“I’m also registered to yours, by the way. I did it around the time you got your second drama series. The one that got popular enough just because of your face.” He laughed seeing Jun's expression. “So, no, the interest is certainly not sudden.” He let himself sink into the sofa. “Seriously though, Matsujun, you were this cute kid and now you’re all filled up.”

“Sorry.”

“Why? I’m not into pedophilia. I rather like how you look now.”

He opened a can and offered it to Sho. “Lucky me.”

Sho took it and smiled softly at him. The way his heart responded to it was starting to annoy him. If this was how his new life with Sho was going to be, he probably wouldn’t get to live too long.

He opened a can for himself and took a sip.

“So I was thinking we should keep this hush hush. I guess my career wouldn’t be too affected, but your fangirls will be so disappointed. Plus, I’m a bit scared of them.”

Jun laughed. “If you say so. But with all due respect, Sho-kun, you should check your fans' SNS more.”

It was Sho’s turn to laugh and it was music to Jun's ears. “Then, all the more reason to…” Sho’s phone vibrated and he excused himself. “Yes, Satoshi-kun?”

“For real? Someone saw us?” Jun could see the panic in his when their eyes met for a brief moment. “In that case I have to tell my manager.” What Ohno said was not audible to him, but Sho's expression calmed down after a while. “Okay. No, nothing happened. We were just having dinner. Although,” he glanced at Jun, “I’m at his place now, so that’s more difficult to explain.” How his complexion got redder after that was interesting to watch. “I’m not, we’re not… Satoshi-kun, we’re just talking. I’m not trying anything, he’s obviously exhausted.” He was borderline panicking and Jun found him so cute that he just wanted to kiss him senseless. “Cross my heart and hope to die. I’ll really die before I hurt him again, so rest assured. Rather, whose side are you on, really? Weren’t you supposed to be my friend?”

The conversation ended and Sho looked at him accusingly, “What’s your relationship with Satoshi-kun?”

“He’s a friend of my friend. Why?”

“Which friend? Because it seems he thinks I’m not going to let you sleep tonight.”

“Ninomiya Kazunari. I guess I can understand why.”

Sho stared him. “That’s Aiba-chan's best friend, Aiba cancelled on me yesterday… What the heck. Now it makes sense. They’re all a bunch of nosy perverts.”

He decided that Sho was cute enough and that he should be kissed senseless before Jun snaps. Sho was a bit surprised but welcomed the intrusion happily nonetheless. “Jun,” Sho breathed dreamily in between his onslaught of kisses, and Jun could literally hear something in him snap.

“Sho-kun, I’m at my limit,” he informed him with difficulty. “I don’t care if I can’t walk tomorrow.”

Sho patted his head soothingly. “But I do. We’ll do something else, okay? Let’s schedule that for another time when you don’t have filming.”

Jun swore if this other man had not been Sakurai Sho he would have bitten his head off.

Jun had barely finished changing when a soft knock and a barely audible, “Jun?” came.

“Come in.”

The door was opened quickly and Sakurai Sho came in with the most amused expression. “You have to see this. ShoJun is trending just because we stood side by side tonight.”

He showed him his mobile phone and indeed ShoJun was trending on Twitter. The door swung open once again before he could comment on it. “Aha, I knew we were gonna find you both here!”

Jun watched in annoyance as Ninomiya, Ohno, and Aiba (who was even still wearing his MC tux) came in. “I don’t even know why they invited you to this show.” Like Jun, Ninomiya was invited to promote the song for his new movie.

“Same to you. I think Aiba-shi definitely pulled some strings to get your ass here.”

“Ah, I wish I had that much power! How fun it would be!”

“Sho-kun, Jun-kun, congratulations.”

Even Sho failed to decipher Ohno’s words this time. “Pardon?”

“You guys just had your first ever couple shot in public, right?”

“It wasn’t like that! I just wanted to take a picture for personal safekeeping, and then suddenly Matsumoto Jun appeared!”

Aiba laughed. “Hey, that’s pretty good. You can use that, Sho-chan. They won’t suspect a thing. Just like that story you sold when people thought you arranged to watch Ohno-kun’s concert together.”

“But that’s really what happened,” Sho persisted.

Jun turned to his manager. “Can’t you do something about them? Please?”

“Aw, J, why so impatient? Can’t wait to have Sho-chan all to yourself?”

Jun glared at him but didn’t refute.

Sho, to his credit, seemed to be deep in his thoughts then said, “We don’t have anything scheduled tonight, though. Isn’t it fine just for a little bit?”

Jun had no idea why he even put up with this ridiculous, schedule-obsessed man. He ignored their friends, who had instantly burst into laughter, and told Sho firmly, “Well, now we do.” He dropped his tone and spoke into Sho’s ear, “I’ll make sure you won’t have it easy. You’ll have to suffer a bit but you’ll love every second of it.”

It barely took a beat for Sho to shoo their friends away from Jun’s greenroom. 


	3. Chapter 3

Ohno Satoshi easily climbed up the ladder of Jun’s favorite people in the world. He felt almost immediately at ease around him when introduced to “Satoshi-kun.” He somehow could easily separate the genius singer and dancer Ohno Satoshi, and the Ohno Satoshi who was Sho’s dorky friend. He found himself enjoying his companionship, and would even sometimes invite him out on a drink when Sho or Nino and Aiba were not available.

He admired Ohno’s undeniable talent and artistry, and liked his own-pace approach to life. It reminded Jun of himself a little. Ohno Satoshi was probably an antithesis of who Sakurai Sho was.

One of the most interesting things Jun found was that Ohno was a powerful comrade to have.

“Each time after he does that greeting, he always does that, right? Putting his hands on his hips like this…” Ohno repeated Sho’s usual concert greeting, and put his hands on his hips while leaning forward to mimic the gesture.

It broke Jun. He was laughing so hard that he barely registered someone approaching them with a rather visible envy on his handsome but tired face. “What are you guys talking about?”

“Ah, Sho-kun.”

Jun had trouble stopping his laughter and he was pretty much out of breath when he managed to do so. “Ohno-kun,” he said, but he felt laughter bubbling inside him again already.

“Sorry, Sho-kun. I was just doing an impression of your greeting. You do this: _Those at the top! How are you doing?_ ” He repeated the gesture but Sho just stared at him blankly.

“Do I do that?”

“You do, you do,” Jun managed to say, in between his laughter. “Just try it.”

Sho looked skeptical for a moment but humored him anyway. “Those at the top, how are you doing?” It seemed he did it automatically, but both his hands did fly to his hips. “Oh, I _do_ do that!”

“Yes, you do. I’ve been observing you,” Ohno stated simply.

Sho asked him rather incredulously, “You have?”

Jun just watched the banter with amusement. He noted how Sho lit up and he barely looked tired anymore, despite having just performed for two hours straight. Ohno was not a man of many words, and yet he brought such an atmosphere with him. Jun was glad someone like that was a friend of Sho (and now, by extension, a friend of his, too).

A staff asking for Sho interrupted them and he excused himself once more, telling them he wouldn’t be long, that they should go home should they feel like it nevertheless.

“You like him.” Ohno was looking at him in amusement. “I was worried because he wouldn’t stop talking about you. Don’t want him heartbroken.” He took out his phone. “I have some pictures of him. See, this is my favorite. This one is good, right?”

Jun had seen the pictures, of course. Sho was younger in the pictures, youthful and a bit on the wild side. His eyes were lively and powerful as usual.

“I like his eyes. Pretty.” Jun didn’t know what to say to that because unlike Ohno, he just simply couldn’t admit it out loud. Maybe the older man took his silence as suspicion and said, “Oh, I’m not trying to steal him from you or anything. If anything, I think you’re cute, Jun-kun. When I see you, I often think, ‘Ah, he’s super cute today, too.’ But for me, I like girls.”

Jun finally laughed. “What are you saying?”

Ohno just smiled at him, looking serene. “I have to leave. Tell Sho-kun. It was fun. And send my regards to Nino and Aiba-chan next time you see them. Take care, Jun-kun. Bye-bye."

Jun nodded. “Take care, Ohno-kun.”

Jun read his Line messages after Ohno left, and found a report from Ninomiya, about Aiba sleeping on him as he drove them to Aiba’s house to celebrate his birthday. (“Before I realized it, I was talking to no one for at least ten minutes! Can you believe the nerve of that guy?”)

The door opened again, and Jun heard more than saw a group of men appeared from the adjoining room. A pair of shoes stopped in front of him, but he stubbornly fixed his attention on his phone. “You seem to be enjoying yourself, Matsumoto.”

“Nino and Aiba…”

“Yes, they’re idiots. Are you coming with or not?”

He finally looked up and found an impatient looking Sho. “Are you sure this is safe?”

“I wouldn’t have suggested it if it wasn’t. I trust the people I work with. If you’d rather take a cab, I don’t mind. Call me when you get home.”

“Won’t you let me stay over? It’s Christmas after all.”

A grin worked its way up to Sho’s face. “You’re so spoiled. Come, then.”

The ride to Sho’s apartment was mostly quiet. Sho seemed to be scrolling and reading something on his mobile phone.

“Some people saw you. Ohno-san, Aiba-chan, Nino, too.”

“You’re ego-searching.”

“You've taught me well.”

Jun dropped his voice, out of their chauffeur’s earshot, “Your fans would be so scandalized if they knew the real Sakurai Sho behind his bedroom doors.”

Sho retorted, “What am I like? I think I’m pretty normal. It’s you who have peculiar hobbies.”

“You like it.”

“Sometimes,” Sho admitted. “By the way, you’re getting along with Ohno-kun lately.”

“I like Ohno-san very much. I think he’s a genius. He’s kind and funny, too.”

Sho hummed in what Jun assumed was agreement but there was a subtle shift in the atmosphere that had Jun refraining from saying anything else. Jun stole a glance at him, could not help himself from being just slightly entranced with his profile looking out of the car window, despite his growing unease.

“Sho-kun?” he called out after a while.

Sho gave him a tired smile. “What is it?”

I was just about to ask you the same thing, he said, mentally. Instead, he shook his head and told the older man that it was nothing.

They arrived at Sho’s apartment shortly. He let out a satisfied groan, complaining a little about his body aching and being exhausted. It made Jun laugh a little, noting that Sho acted just like an old man.

“Ahh, I want a warm bath. It will feel good.”

“I can help you prepare the bath, so you can rest for a little bit.”

“It’s fine, it’s just preparing a bath.”

“I’ll help scrub your back, then.”

Sho looked at him suspiciously. “What are you planning? Surely, you’re not thinking of wringing me dry…?”

Jun laughed. “Whatever you want me to do, Sho-san. I’m here to please.”

They headed to the bathroom, Sho leading as Jun tailed him, taking in the sight of his straight back (and cute sloping shoulders). His gaze trailed lower and soon enough Jun was shamelessly ogling. Sometimes he wondered if Sho knew what he thought of Sho exactly. He helped Sho take off his clothes, already starting to feel uncomfortable in his own. “You know,” he said, “can I take off my shirt, too? It’ll get wet in the shower.”

“Yeah, sure. Might as well shower together at this rate. I wonder if your skin still turns red.”

Jun joined him in the shower, feeling warm and happy at the luxury of spending time with his… Wait, what was Sho to him again?

“Matsujun?” Sho’s voice startled him. He just noticed that his mind had wondered far enough that his fingers had stopped their exploration of Sho’s jaw. Round, worried eyes were on him and he felt guilty. “Why…?” Whatever Sho wanted to ask him was cut off short as he decided kissing Sho was an easier option than talking about his feelings. What would Sho think? Could Jun just waltz into his life after 14 years and demand exclusivity? He very much doubted that Sho's lifestyle was that romantic.

Their kiss deepened and Jun felt fire wherever they touched, despite of the water raining on both of them. After a while, he felt Sho pulling away and pushing him gently. “As much as I enjoy this, save it for later? We won’t get anything done otherwise.”

Jun laughed and pecked him one last time. They managed to shower without further interruptions. However, as Sho turned off the faucet, facing away from Jun, he asked suddenly, “I’ve been thinking about this for a while. Do you want my spare key?”

Jun took the deepest breath he could without making a noise. “It depends. Will I find someone else if I barge in here arbitrarily?”

Sho actually laughed and Jun could not make out what that laugh meant for someone like him. It didn’t help that the water was turned off but Sho still would not face him. “No. I don’t bring people here.”

“But?”

“But nothing. Join me in the bath?” Without waiting for an answer, Sho slipped into the warm bath, letting out a satisfied sigh before gesturing to Jun to join him, all smiles. And Jun, unable to deny him anything even with his thoughts so messy, did as asked. If he looked back one day, he would probably cringe at how domestic and sappy Sho was being, and how giddy he was to do whatever Sho asked of him.

He felt a wet kiss on his shoulder, then it trailed to his neck. He stretched it to give Sho better access. “No marks where people can see please, Sakurai-san.”

It made Sho laugh, the sound reverberating in his heart. “Of course, Matsumoto-san. How careless of me.” He placed his chin on the nook between Jun’s head and shoulder, making Jun feel slightly ticklish but he welcomed the intimacy nonetheless.

Jun finally realized it: Sho was in a good mood. That laugh from before, too. He was probably hiding his fluster. However Jun was still slightly uneasy and decided to rain on his parade a little, unable to keep it to himself any longer. “You don’t bring people to your apartment?”

The head resting on Jun’s shoulder shook a little, but Jun could feel and hear the smile when he spoke again, “Not here, no.”

“Is that so.” It was answer enough and Jun wanted to leave then and there, but his stupid mouth had always had a tendency to betray him, “Where do you take them, then?”

Sho didn’t respond right away and sounded uncertain when he replied, “Sometimes, their place? I have another apartment, but I don’t really… Why, is that another kink play you’re interested in? One night stand roleplay? I haven’t had one in a while so you’ll have to excuse me if I’m a bit rusty.”

"What kind of play is a one night stand roleplay?" Jun voiced his thoughts without thinking.

“Oh, I thought you wanted to try it. I don’t know… I think me taking you out for a lunch date after our first time working together is a pretty fitting set up. You can pretend that you’re into me and get charmed by my bad attempts at flirting.”

That actually sounded fun and Jun chuckled, forgetting his insecurities for a moment. “Now you’re giving me ideas.”

“I can leave when we’re done and say something like, ‘Thank you for the meal.’”

Jun was laughing now. “And then what? Do I have to play the maiden with a broken heart? Win you over with my cuteness and good personality.”

Sho hummed. “Not a bad idea. It’ll give you some insights on how to be the one chasing. For me, it was like, ‘Matsumoto Jun is coming, what should I do? What if people recognize him? If I choose that place, people on their way to the bathroom might see him entering. Matsumoto Jun is coming, what should I do?’”

Jun laughed again. “That’s what you were worried about? Rather, do you just normally take people on lunch dates the first time you meet them?”

Sho’s lifted his head from Jun’s shoulder and Jun couldn’t help feeling disappointed. “Ah, I did give that impression, huh. Technically, it wasn’t my first time meeting you.”

“You acted like it.”

“I didn’t think you’d remember me. It’ll be awkward if I'd said something like, ‘Matsujun, it’s been a while,' and you didn’t remember.” He chuckled bitterly. “I was really conflicted. And you really seemed like you didn’t remember me at all. You were avoiding my gaze and everything. I remember you weren’t good with strangers. I was really about to lose my confidence. I thought you would definitely be creeped out and reject my lunch invitation.”

Jun said, slightly irritably, “Sho-kun, I got better over the years. Did you see me act like that when you introduced me to Ohno-san?”

“No, but I just figured you felt at ease because it’s Satoshi-kun. He has that effect on people.”

“It was because it was you, alright? I was freaking out.”

Sho was quiet for a while and the silence made Jun uncomfortable, uncertain how his former tutor was taking his admission. Then, “Are you saying these things on purpose just because it’s Christmas?”

Jun stood up, water splashing everywhere, really irritated this time. “I’m leaving.” He stepped out of the tub carefully, not wanting to make a fool out of himself by slipping.

“What? Why?”

“Is this some kind of joke to you? If you want this to be a joke, then I’m leaving.”

“Jun, wait.” Sho had stepped out of the bathtub as well, panic evident in his face as he grabbed Jun’s arm. “I’m sorry. It was just unexpected. I just didn’t think you’d feel that way. I didn’t think you’d be this angry either.”

Jun mustered the angriest glare although Sho looking all panicked was already softening his heart. “What more do you need to hear from me? I’ve missed you all this time, Sho-san. Chased after your shadow ever since I could find it. I liked you all those years I had you as my tutor. I contented myself with being a fan all these years. I don’t need your validation over my feelings! In fact, I don’t care if you’re screwing other people behind my back!”

“Jun, I’m not… What are you saying? Let’s get you dried up and cooled down. You’ll catch a cold. If you want to leave, you can leave after that. I don’t understand what I’ve done wrong to make you so angry, but I’m sorry for whatever it is. You can tell me after so I can fix it. I don’t want to lose you again so I’d rather lose this one night with you.”

Jun didn’t protest when Sho toweled him off. He felt bad that he had gone off at him at virtually, really, nothing. Especially after he obviously had had a tiring day. Their eyes met involuntarily. Sho gave him the softest smile, and it was all Jun could take. “I love you,” he blurted out. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you. I don’t know what the nature of our relationship is, and it’s frustrating. It feels lopsided, unbalanced.”

Sho actually had the gall to look disbelieving and seemed to be searching Jun’s eyes for some conviction. “Jun, I’m not seeing other people. I haven’t ever since I found out I would be working with you. My head had been working overtime to come up with plans to get your attention. To find excuses to keep seeing you even outside work. Now that I have it, I’m planning to keep it. I’m not screwing other people. I’m actually more worried that Satoshi-kun might charm you away, without even meaning to.”

If Jun had not been feeling guilty already, he definitely was feeling terrible now. He had been self-centered enough to burden Sho with more negativity when the man obviously had insecurity issues of his own, on top of being exhausted from physical extortion. (Granted, Jun was unaware of it, but still...) “Ohno-san is wonderful,” he admitted, “but it’s different. If you only knew how I feel about you, I think you’d be slightly put off.”

Sho laughed at that, visibly relieved. “I don’t think you can ever put me off…” A smirk had managed to creep up his face, as he added, “But you can try and convince me. Come, we haven’t got all night.”

That day became Jun’s favorite Christmas in all his 33 years, and would be the first of many as they continued their lives by each other’s side. Days filled with meaningful memories, both good and bad, were starting to pile behind them.

Jun looks forward to many more as they welcome the future together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fact that you're reading this probably means that you've somehow survived my first attempt at paragraphs in a fiction. I truly thank you and commend your patience. You might realize that many of the scenes in this story were ripped off from Arashi interviews and whatnots because I'm unimaginative. I'm not a fic writer by nature, it's just that this whole hiatus thing is doing strange things to me so this self-indulgent nonsense was born. This almost ended up as platonic SJ since this is how I view them 99% of the time (the 1% in which I indulge in the what-ifs became this junk). I'm sorry I made Jun gush so much over Sho here. Sorry, Jun. I promise that this will be the only SJ fic I make.


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